Ben Kessler - Latest Comments in Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

haveboard — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 11:35:39 -0000

I agree that you raise many good points when discussing your ideas with friends. I would like to say that I am not a fan of being referred to as a "code-monkey", as it demeans the roll programmers play in the bigger scheme of things (like implementing your ideas). I'm not sure of the context of your situation so I can't really comment directly on it, though. It all boils down to having respect for your friends and peers. This situations do let us know who are friends really are (and aren't). Friends close, enemies closer.

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Justin Solitrin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 20:06:06 -0000

Ben,
Thanks for the response. I was not trying to make any name-calling implications, just saying that I hoped the lesson was NOT to push friends away and stay tight-lipped and cut-throat... which, obvious from the title, it wasn't. I was just trying to offer a reminder of "the world is not out to get you" mentality. Your response helped clear things up and proved a maturity beyond that of one of those so-called "friends" Always be the bigger person... the bigger person will always get the better reward.

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Ben Kessler — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:53:08 -0000

Justin, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. Thank you. I've been getting a ton of flak from friends concerning this post. A few have called me a "sweater vest" and others have called me a douchebag.

Believe me, I am the farthest thing someone could be from being a suit. In fact, I've never worked a job where I had to wear a suit, and I prefer to never have to. I wrote this post because I wanted to express my anger and concern about an experience I had. It is informative more than anything, I surely am not discounting friendships and I am not forcing anyone to draw up contracts. Just take it for what it's worth.

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Justin Solitrin — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:20:04 -0000

Ben,
Sorry to hear this version of the story that should end with friends celebrating each others ideas and achievements. I too, in different contexts, have experienced "friendship" gone awry. I think becoming hardened and pessimistic is the wrong lesson to learn; staying aware, yes, but (and perhaps i am too naive or trusting myself) keep friends who are always going to share in your excitement, whether it may benefit them or not, and friends who you are able to greet their ideas and thoughts with the same enthusiasm. I think karmic justice has its place- good things will come to good actions. just a little wiser now, i suppose. Legal documents or not, I still look forward to your return to the east and a chance to discuss the plan I ran past you a couple months ago.
Stay well

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Ben Kessler — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:36:51 -0000

David K - Did you not get the point of the piece at all? I have witnessed and experienced "real friends" doing this many times. People who have been friends for years, getting screwed over.

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

David K — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:15:34 -0000

'Mutual Non-Disclosure Agreements are a must. I don’t care how long you’ve known each other, from here on out if you are going to discuss any type of business plans or even bring a friend in on an idea you have, you need to both sign a mutual NDA'

Alternatively.... get some real friends...

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Kim Woodbridge — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 07:18:28 -0000

It's too bad that so many people don't get what friendship really means, are just out for themselves, and are so untrustworthy. I really like to believe that most people are good but it is difficult sometimes.

It's like some people don't have a conscience - that they are not affected by actions that would make most people feel very guilty.

I have found, though, you really do have to keep quiet when it comes to business matters. Frequently, your "friends" are not friends at all.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Re: Learn when to keep your mouth shut

Metz — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 03:41:44 -0000

You should send this post to that guy, or better yet, have his mom send it to him. What a douchebag.